I've already resorted to recycling

Here's something I wrote last year for the Bar Review: the Unofficial Newsletter of Record in Mondale Hall.  Enjoy!

The Importance of Being Law

As you are no doubt aware, there is a student in the 1L class named Law.  Someone probably mentioned to you, "did you hear that there is someone named Law?  In law school?  Isn't that ridiculous?"  We thought the same thing, so we decided to interview him and put all the rumors to rest.

BR: So, Law, you probably get asked this question a lot, but 

Law (interrupting): Is my name really Law?  Yes.  Yes it is.

BR: Actually, I was going to ask if your parents named you that because they wanted you to go to law school.

Law: Sorry, that's usually the second question people ask.  I really don't think that is the reason, and my sisters Medical and Dental and my brother Vocational (his friends call him "Trade") agree.  But every time I asked my parents, they told me to stop asking silly questions and get back to studying.

BR: I see.  What was it like growing up with a name like Law?

Law: You would think it would be pretty cool, but there are some pretty big downsides.  You've heard the song "I fought the law and the law won"?  People seem to get a kick out of proving that song wrong.  I had to laugh the first twenty or so times that people remarked, "I fought the law and the law LOST!  Because your name is Law!  HAHAHA!" after beating me up.  "That ispretty clever," I would think as I spit blood and teeth out onto the sidewalk.  It got old after a while, though.

BR: What was your biggest disappointment?

Law: I would have to say that when I ran for president of the Law Society in undergrad and lost.  That was a pretty disheartening day.  How could I lose to someone who was not Law?  Is the president of the College Republicans a Democrat?  I doubt it.

BR: What impact do you think your name will have on your future life?

Law: Well, I question whether people will take me seriously.  On the other hand, I should be able to have some GREAT corny lawyer commercials.  The slogan, "1-800-HIRE-LAW. Have the Law on your side!" is both clever AND easy to remember.

BR: Well, thanks for your time, Law.  Hopefully law school works out for you.

Law: I certainly hope so, and not only because my middle name is "Unemployed".

Are you going to hell and need a better mode of transportation? Try a hand basket!

The Linens 'n Things near here is going out of business. I hadn't gone b/c I knew I would see a bunch of worthless stuff that I don't need and I'd think "Hey, what a great deal I'm getting on all this worthless stuff!" and end up with no money and even less storage space.

Yes, that sentence was intentionally past-tense. I finally gave in yesterday and rummaged around. I just started donating plasma again, so I felt I could afford to splurge. I gave myself a $20 limit, and only for things that I really couldn't live without. I only spent $10, but I got two great things (small treasures, really): a hand basket and a travel cooler.

Hand baskets are great. You know, those baskets that they have at grocery stores that force you to stick to your budget? I get to the frozen vegetables and think, "I sure would love to buy some broccoli!" but my basket is already full of pretzels and ranch dressing. I can't be expected to carry a hand basket and a case of coke AND try to balance a bunch of vegetables on top. 'Cause once I start down that trail I end up with party pizzas stuffed in my pants, a gallon of milk balanced on my head, and a sack of fruit over my shoulder. I look like a grocery store version of Where's Waldo. No, best to just stop shopping once the basket is full. All the benefits of saving money without the hassle of eating healthy.

Anyway, hand baskets are severely under-rated and I'm glad that one is now a part of my life.

The thing that I'm far more excited about is the travel cooler. Not so much the cooler itself but what's inside. Travel coolers use a Peltier cooler (also called a thermoelectric heat pump), which is a small electronic device that looks like a thin metal plate. When powered, the Peltier cooler magically get really cold on one side and really hot on the other side. (even more magically, if you manually heat up one side and cool down the other, it will generate electricity.) I haven't decided yet exactly what I will do with it, but I'm leaning toward a mini-mini fridge. A USB cable has enough current to chill a can of soda...we're probably headed in that direction. I'll keep you posted.

Start my one year grace period

So here's my invention: a pair of gloves with special material on the fingertips that allows you to use touch-sensitive devices.  Most touch screens these days are not pressure sensitive; they respond to the electroconductive properties of your fingers to sense when and where you tap, drag, etc.  The problem comes when you want to keep your hands warm and also answer the phone or read your email on the way to class.  Thick, solid materials like leather or plastic effectively block the contact so it isn't sensed.

So I hereby claim: 1) portions of material specially designed to allow contact through them with a touchscreen, and 2) a pair of gloves comprising an insulated surface covering most of the glove, and a material as in claim 1 that functions to allow proper contact with a touch screen.

I've constructively reduced said invention to practice, so I have one year to test, prepare, market, and exploit it before filing.  Although all this is based on one night of Patent Law cramming, so there's a good chance that when you see this product on the market, I won't be getting a dime of it.  But at least I got to use the word "comprising".

Don't hog the laffy taffy.

And now, from the people who brought you "the candy bowl on the coffee table" and "the candy bowl by the door when you leave that only has mints but is a nice thought anyway," comes "the candy bowl at Law's study carrel"!  Stop by (carrel 3138), grab a piece of deliciousness, and if you catch me staring off into space, playing solitaire, or spending time on facebook, I owe you a dollar.  This is how I am keeping myself on track.  I think it'll go over pretty well once I'm a lawyer in a big firm.  They'll probably be impressed by my motivational creativity and put me in charge of something really important.

World RPS Championships

World RPS Society - 2008 World RPS Championships

Missed the 2008 Championships, but I'm planning to go in 2009. Anyone with me?

If you think this is stupid, don't worry. You're not invited anyway.

**side note**
I once kept a group of over 300 students busy for around 15 minutes with an impromptu RPS tournament. Over half the finalists were engineering students. Does that mean anything?